a wandering nymph

Cats

2010-03-12T13:33:00.000-08:00

An unexpected surprise. My good friend could not attend Cats last night so he gave me his tix and I attended with his partner & his mom. It has been sooooo long since I attended a musical I cannot recall what the last one was. Off I went to see Cats even though I am a Dog person.

It was a thoroughly enjoyable experience. I appreciated the dancing even more than I did before, especially after taking my one dance class early this year. Dancing does not come easy to me, so watching the performers move effortlessly was beautiful.

Another highlight was experiencing the song Memory live. Chills went down my arms. In junior high our chorus class sang that song to death, granted we were pretty good since the school was half performing arts students. To hear that song sung by people with amazing voices was just wonderful.

Such an amazing night. I have only recently gotten back into musicals because of Dr. Horrible and Glee. My first real live major theater experience was a musical at the Dorothy Chandler, and thinking about that my dance class is related to that too. Maybe I should keep practicing my dance steps.

2010

2010-01-05T20:46:00.000-08:00

The end of 2009 came by so quickly I almost missed it. Aside from the regular things I vow to do - eat healthy foods, exercise more, and contribute to society in a positive - I have yet to create goals for 2010. On any other year I would be anxious to write my list, but as I have spent the last couple years and mainly the last just trying to be and do at my own pace.

tourist

2009-11-30T21:16:00.000-08:00

It's been two years and about a month since I have been unemployed. But for the record most of that time I was in grad school, while I was in shock when I was laid off (along with 900 of my co-workers) I did not think too much of it until the last couple months. Now that school is done and student loans payments are due the thought of not having a job is a bit scary, especially when my 3rd extension for unemployment ran out.

I have been applying to almost everything under the sun and I am either over qualified, under qualified or somehow do not fit what they are looking for 100%. I am really lucky that my parents can help me during this really tough economic time. In the meantime, in between sending out resumes, going to interviews, and doing research I am enjoying just being a tourist in LA. I have had a chance to travel a bit, and the last time I travelled abroad I realized that I really just wanted to really see more of the U.S. My Aussie friend actually said the same thing a couple of years ago, and I thought why would he want to stay in Australia and travel when he has the opportunity to travel to these wonderful places throughout the world. Once I tired of the travel and jet lag and realized that I live in a country that has so many beautiful places - the Grand Canyon, Hawaii, West Coast, etc - I better understood my friend's decision.

Now that I have no income I've narrowed my sights to Southern California and parts of Northern California. Even within LA there are places I have yet to visit or revisit. Growing up my parents would take my brother and me to the Observatory at least once a month. It is such a beautiful place. Today I decided to drive up and read in their cafe. The day was clear and you could see the mountains, downtown, the ocean, Catalina Island, and even the planes taking off at LAX.

It is very liberating to have time on your hands when many other people are running around with little time due to work. I am really enjoying this down time, and reconnecting with myself. When I was working and in school I did not have much time to do much of anything except work and study. I am reacquainting myself with myself. I am reading a lot - fiction, nonfiction, self help, business, etc. In the past I always associated myself with my career and not having that luxury now is helping me to identify me as a person independent of my work. I have a gazillion interests and I am actually really good at many things so I am very excited about having this down time to prepare for whatever comes next.

OH: Are we going to get married or what?

2009-11-29T13:13:00.000-08:00

The night after Thanksgiving I met up with friends from out of town. We met up at a quaint restaurant in Santa Monica, very reminiscent of restaurants in San Francisco. Halfway through our dinner the party next to us left leaving the restaurant a bit more quiet. No sooner had I thought that when the woman two tables down said "Are we going to get married or what?" her partner clearly taken aback. My friends and I just continued with our private conversation.

The couple's conversation stuck with me. At my family's Thanksgiving dinner the topic of relationships came up and my mom made the comment "I want you to find someone so you won't be alone." I take all my mother's comments in stride knowing they all stem from her own insecurity and in reality have nothing to do with me. I always counter her comments by stating "would you rather see me with someone who is horrible so I am not alone." After that comment she usually lets the topic die.

In my mid-20s I did think of marriage and kids and the white picket fence for like a minute. Fortunately or unfortunately, living in a metropolitan area makes it easy to have an abundance of men around. Even when I did have a boyfriend and if we had a "time-out" I usually dated during the "time-out." Or after a big break up I would date. I was not a serial monogamist, but more of a serial dater.

Over time the serial dating was not as fun. The last couple years I have dated but more targeted, and because of that at times it ends more quickly. I found that it is easier for me to tell who I want in my life and who I don't and who I may still be on the fence about (as long as we're both on the same fence).

As I see many of my friends married with a child (or some with a 2nd child) I am happy for them and know that is not for me. Maybe it's coming from a hybrid family - tradt'l in many ways & totally not in other ways (my parents didn't even get married until I was almost 4 or 5 and my dad did more of the child rearing). I have seen what works and what doesn't from my parents and friends marriages. At times I see what was a beautiful relationship turn upside down once those marriage vows are said. The whole "ball and chain" analogy is very true in a lot of instances and goes both ways - men and women. The institution of marriage can really mess with peoples sense of self or of who their husband/wife is/should be.

It would be nice to have a partner and a couple months ago for the first time in a long time I actually felt a fleeting moment of that beautiful feeling you get when you meet someone new and everything seems to align. But then reality hits and you think about the distance that separates you and the odd things he does that make you think "well could I live with that?" It sure did not help that his friends were trying to get him to get back with his ex and his other friend kept making sexual comments making for an awkward situation (she was definitely one of those girls who I can image stating "Are we getting married or what?")

While the moment did last awhile and I was seeing things through rose-colored glasses, even with the soap opera playing in the background, in the end it was nice to think that having a partner would be nice. Just like it would be nice to win the lotto, or have a closet full of Marc Jacobs. If you ever OH me saying "Are we going to get married or what?" Please grab my hand and walk me out the door and talk some sense into me.

Friday the 13th

2009-11-13T14:45:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday the 13th. Always thought it was amusing that people are so superstitious about this day. I've never thought much of it. But this Friday the 13th there is one recurring theme - death. Within an hour I have found that three of my friends have had loved ones who passed. Death is rather taboo for some. I always found it a fascinating subject. Eventually, we all die of natural cause, accident, or any other random way. Death does not scare me, for me life is scarier at times. We do not know what death has in store, and it's rather interesting to speculate about what the unknown has in store. One thing I know for sure is whatever we have acquired and accumulated in this life is not needed in the death.

Over the last couple years I have been emptying my home, self, and beliefs, and not all was voluntary. When it was not voluntary the release was a lot more difficult. I would cling to material things/beliefs with knuckles turning white not wanting to release (I still do this at times). Looking back to those times that is when the release was most warranted. While it was very easy to empty other things/beliefs it did not mean those were less warranted. It only means that I was more at peace with that release. I was physically, mentally, and spiritually ready to release.

The other thing that fascinates me about death is that whatever we do in this life we leave here. In an odd way my car accident last week reminded me to take more chances, be more vulnerable, and enjoy the small moments.

Trying New Things

2009-10-30T20:30:00.000-07:00

For the last couple months I've been looking for work and doing some consulting. I was searching, searching, searching instead of being present. I am trying to live in the moment. Last weekend at a friend's Halloween Party I decided to dress up in something less me (no vintage outfits, or cute dresses), so I decided to look through my closet and came up with a revised roller derby outfit. I've become a bit more conservative in my outfits as I've gotten older, so the derby outfit is not something I'd normally wear. It was fun and I got a bit of exercise roller skating around.

This week at the 140conf a couple companies Kodak and RS Hotel were video taping conference attendees. I decided to forget about my fear of being on camera and just do it. Kodak was asking "What makes you Smile" and RS Hotel was asking "What does it mean to be a character @ #140conf"

While you can probably see how nervous I was it was a lot of fun and I am glad I did it. As Eleanor Roosevelt said "You must do the things you think you cannot do."

acceptance

2009-10-14T11:59:00.001-07:00

me at 2yrs old
Originally uploaded by bunnicula

As a young child the world seemed so huge. Even a drive from Hollywood to the Valley seemed so far away. As I got older the road trips got longer - across the state, across several states. Once I was able to pay my own way I went across the globe. My search across the world was partly to find myself, adventure, and curiosity. A big part of it was because I never lived anywhere other than California. I enjoyed my experiences abroad and interactions with fellow travelers and locals. In the end I always missed home and yearned for home. Maybe I am one of those people who prefers her home to the exotic and faraway places. To some this may seem very boring.

I have a friend who teases me because I've never lived anywhere other than California. I do not know if she is disappointed in me or if she thinks I am unhappy or boring or who knows what. I just find it amusing because in the end it's not where you've been or what you've done that makes you happy. Happiness comes from acceptance and being. I can't say I have perfected this, but I am happy and appreciate that which is. There are days when appreciation and acceptance are harder to come by and I fall off the wagon. But I pick myself up and go on.

Change

2009-10-07T16:05:00.001-07:00

2 Snakes
Originally uploaded by bunnicula

Change can be painful. The last two years have been full of major change and much of that change has included loss. The loss of material goods, a job, a pet, and a way of looking at the world. The moulting has been non-stop the last two years and there has been very little time for rest and relaxation. Prior to these last 2 years I was actively seeking change by attending hypnotherapy sessions, getting acupuncture treatments, and practicing yoga. Things were changing in a very positive direction.

Suddenly the change that was occurring was not as positive at first glance. Within a week I lost my job of 7 years and my brand new car was totaled. I was lucky to have a severance package and unemployment and I walked away from my head on collision with whiplash nothing a bit of physical therapy couldn't heal. Luckily, that semester I took a course the Practice of Self Management where I learned about how to better manage myself (something I struggle with daily). Learning to meditate was a big part of my healing both from the loss of my job and the trauma from the car accident.

Both of those seemed minor when compared to what happened to our family early last year. Without going into details a very loved family member was falsely accused and detained. In effect he was "guilty until proven innocent." All the lies that were told were extremely hurtful to the loved one as well as to everyone in our family. There were days when I woke up and felt like I had been physically and emotionally beaten up. I could not allow myself to succumb to the pain I felt because I was the one keeping the family going, definitely, not the role I was seeking, but I took it nonetheless. I needed our family and friends to rally behind our loved one, they knew the truth and felt the same way I did.

The unconditional love that emerged from that negative situation was so astounding and amazing that even writing about it now fills me with love and happiness. Because we all knew the truth and we all sent love to our loved one and everything was dropped (and having a good lawyer helped). Our loved one was released and charges were dismissed. The unconditional love that we all felt was amazing, everyone talks about it and to feel it on such a tangent level all at once was amazing.

It is this unconditional love that I think of when I feel down, when I hurt someone, when my dog passed away, and when I am trying to avoid change. Change is painful because a lot of the time it is something we've been avoiding to do for years and it is thrust upon us when we least expect it. Sometimes I can easily shed the skin, but there are times when I fight it. It is the times that I fight it the most that are the times that I need to get out of my own way.

new friend

2009-10-01T19:32:00.000-07:00

it's only been a few weeks, since Frantz has been gone. It's hard especially the little things like when I gave Poe a bath the other day and there was no Frantz to bathe. I know that we have enough love to welcome a new member to our pack. Poe got to meet with a new friend today (will leave his name out for now), they got along well. They ran, explored, and chased after other dogs. We are scheduling a couple more dog meetups to make sure the feeling is mutual between them. I could definitely see our new friend became part of our family.

around town

2009-09-28T18:51:00.001-07:00

One of the fun things about being unemployed is wandering around the city when everyone else is at work. Today I went to the Farmer's Market for lunch and came across the filming of NCIS LA. I had just missed LL Cool J on the set, but did get a chance to see Chris O'Donnell. Even though I grew up in Tinseltown I still get a wee bit excited about seeing stars.

Unemployed & Making the Best of It

2009-09-27T19:00:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago I finished my grad program and graduated to a very harsh economic climate. At the start of the summer I sent out resumes, but no responses came back. In early September things seemed to have change and I was averaging at least 1 interview per week. Unfortunately, I still do not have a job. It is easy to get discouraged and frustrated and I have done both. Instead of dwelling in the self pity I have decided to volunteer whenever possible. It's not as easy as one would think to volunteer your time. Many organizations may have enough volunteers or very strict criteria for volunteers. I attended the Dress For Success Volunteer Orientation last week and hope to volunteer with them. Dress For Success is in the process of opening their LA office. Since I have time on my hands I also volunteered with WeChangeLA this past weekend at SOVA. It is an honor to give my time to these amazing organizations, and meet all the amazing people who volunteer their time or work at these organizations.

RIP Frantz We had 11 wonderful years together

2009-09-20T19:58:00.000-07:00

Eleven years ago this month you came into our lives dad brought you home in a little box. You were so tiny and furry and black. We tried to give you away, but no one would
take you not because you weren't cute but because you chose us to be your family from the start.

You grew and grew and shed your black fur for some blond locks or red,
depending on the season. Keeping me company while I trained for the
marathon running through Griffith Park, all those hills, thinking I
needed to keep up with you.

You grew up with the 1st set of cousins watching over them, eating
their popsicles, tumbling as they hugged you tightly. You cried when
they moved to another state, so I got you another dog to help keep you
company. Poe was a handful, but you helped to train him keeping him in
his place and always with love.

Frantz, then you gave us a scare when you got bloat. We were lucky you
survived living through the surgery and even in the midst of recovery
you were dignified.

You got to spend time with the 2nd set of cousins following them around, allowing them to put their blankies on you and flowers in your fur. You helped our family when we needed you the most these last few years, when our lives were turned upside down. Always showing us unconditional love no matter what.

This summer you got to spend time with the cousins from out of state, getting to see them one last time. I had the opportunity to spend all summer with you not knowing this would be our last summer together.

As we got to the vets office the ladies complimented you, always conceit (one of your only faults). They took you into the vets office in a stretcher even then you exhibited grace and dignity. As you were to take your eternal nap I kept telling you how much we loved you and you looked at me your gaze calm and peaceful. Then you rested your head on your paws like you always do.

Foggy San Francisco

2009-09-16T14:57:00.001-07:00

Foggy San Francisco
Originally uploaded by bunnicula

I had the chance to spend the weekend visiting with my brother and good friends in the Bay Area. The trip helped to rejuvenate me after a intense month long search for a job. Like many people I keep sending resumes left and right, but luckily I have been getting call backs Putting your best out there gets draining so it was good to get away and not think about the job hunt. Instead I cherished the time spent with family and friends.

Big Parade LA (Silverlake stroll)

2009-07-20T09:30:00.001-07:00

Going down stairs #bigparadeLA
Originally uploaded by bunnicula

My summer cold kept me from exercising, so the last week I have been trying to get into an exercise routine. Did a hike in Griffith Park, which is always beautiful.

I was on the fence for the Big Parade LA stroll and checked their twitter updates Sunday morning to find out they were running 20mins behind enough time to get from the Valley to their meeting point in Silverlake.

I was hydrated, and slathered in sunscreen with extra water, snacks, and sunscreen. The day was hot & humid, by the time we were at about mile 5 I was almost done with my 2 very big bottles of water; and my knees were still shaking a little from all the stairs.

But all the aches and pains I am feeling today were well worth the Gaudiesque home, delicious looking fruits & veggies, a couple garage sales, and the priceless looks we got from people confused and perplexed that 50 people would voluntarily decide to walk around LA.

Appreciative List 71 - 90

2009-02-25T19:49:00.000-08:00

71. car trips
72. california landscape
73. freeways
74. bananas
75. beautiful san francisco vistas
76. highway 1 from san francisco to santa cruz
77. spending time with my brother
78. my hybrid
79. the smell of the ocean
80. interconnectedness of the world
81. fog
82. wifi
83. waking up to Bird singing every morning
84. walks
85. randomness
86. reconnecting with friends
87. spending time with my soul sisters
88. laughter
89. rain
90. dreams

Appreciative List 61 - 70

2009-02-16T18:55:00.000-08:00

61. carpool buddies
62. lunch at OSF
63. homemade chocolate chip cookies
64. dunkin donut coffee
65. somatic therapy
66. peace mantras
67. umbrellas
68. lactaid pills
69. vitamin E
70. my comfy bed

Appreciative List 51 - 60

2009-02-15T21:38:00.000-08:00

51. spending time with the dogs at the dog park
52. spending time with a good friend
53. the Hollywood Farmer's Market
54. the yummy chocolate at the Farmer's Market
55. figs
56. blood orange sherbet
57. the sense of community at the farmer's market
58. cold, sunny days
59. last.fm
60. Nina Simone

Appreciative List 41 - 50

2009-02-14T19:24:00.000-08:00

41. learning from others
42. dinner with old friends & new friends
43. making mistakes
44. that the universe works in mysterious ways
45. humility
46. those old souls in my life that teach me everyday
47. Target
48. some crust in claremont
49. kisses from Frantz & Poe
50. hugs from loved ones

Appreciative List 31 - 40

2009-02-13T14:06:00.000-08:00

31. the feel of the wind when running
32. naps on rainy days
33. the smell of coffee
34. running shoes
35. kisses
36. hugs
37. ability to smell
38. ability to see
39. ability to hear
40. ability to run

appreciative list 21-30

2009-02-09T18:11:00.000-08:00

21. the snow covered mountains
22. warm bed
23. fuzzy slippers
24. warm robe
25. lunch with a good friend
26. positive energy
27. happiness
28. highlighters
29. twitter
30. having amazing girlfriends

appreciative list 11-20

2009-02-08T18:14:00.000-08:00

11. groundwork soy vanilla latte
12. the smell of the rain
13. flower arrangement my parents gave me
14. new friends
15. arclight hollywood
16. coraline 3D(movie)
17. lazy sundays
18. the heater on a cold/rainy day
19. water
20. my laptop

starting my appreciative list 1-10

2009-02-07T22:00:00.000-08:00

i had a weird incident this week, while i will take account for starting it, i will also say that it spiraled to the other person being very judgmental & hurtful, and i am saying this because i consulted very trusted friends and they pointed this out, so it's not just my take on it.

the more i thought about it the more i realized that even though the other person was judging and angry, i needed to be the opposite, so i realized that i need to go back to what i was taught over a year ago. i still meditate but now instead of 3 times a week sometimes it's only once a week. i have not written an appreciative list in awhile.

here's the start of the appreciative list
1. being alive
2. my parents
3. my brother
4. my dogs
5. unconditional love
6. smiles
7. hugs
8. friends
9. laughter
10. iTunes

cafe cortado & medialuna @Cafe Tortoni

2008-08-05T22:54:00.001-07:00

cafe cortado & medialuna @Cafe Tortoni
Originally uploaded by bunnicula

this is your typical BA breakfast...I do miss the espresso much stronger than my coffee here at home

Tango

2008-08-05T22:51:00.001-07:00

Tango
Originally uploaded by bunnicula

one of the photos from my trip...still posting photos and will continue tomorrow

Last full day in BA

2008-08-02T07:17:00.000-07:00

Today seems to be one of the coldest days - drizzling and cold! I fly back tomorrow night, so today I am enjoying a couple more sights and just wandering and walking. There is so much to see and so much to do. I have enjoyed the quick trip and look forward to returning in the future!

photos

2008-07-30T13:51:00.000-07:00

looks like the photos will have to wait until i get back to LA. The internet cafes don´t seem to allow, they are locked up...fun; since the apt i am staying at has no wi-fi bringing the laptop was of no use and one less item to carry back

i did get a chance to get away from the city and visit tigres which is a beautiful and relaxing area. the small islands make you feel like you are in another world.

we had lunch in victoria ocampo´s former home the food was delicious and we pretty much had the run of the place. it´s only open during weekends to the public but the tour i took is during the week so besides the 8 of us it was only the workers - archivists, academics, etc.

it´s already wednesday and my trip will come to an end soon i am savoring the last full days here and already hoping there will be a future visit

BA so far

2008-07-28T12:57:00.000-07:00

will try to post a couple photos tomorrow...it´s hit or miss at these cafes with computers and how lax or not they are, and I just stopped to quickly check email and on my way elsewhere.

Have done tons of walking and been mostly in San Telmo, which is similar to Barrio Gothico in Barcelona, narrow streets, cobblestone streets, which means wear sneakers & be super careful..in that sense similar to walking in India.

Friday night I ate a Parrilla & the meat was delicious, medium rare sirloin steak with some amazing Malbec & an empanada for an appetizer. How they kept the empanada super crispy with the juicy meat inside is beyond me. I took photos but accidently deleted them along with the ones from the Casa Rosada.

Saturday I visited La Casa Rosada where Evita gave her speeches, it overlooks Plaza Mayo where protests are held even today. I took the subway that morning as well, wondered around San Telmo all day.

I pretty much slept Saturday night and Sunday as well. I was on my way Sunday to Cemeterio Recoleta when I got a bit lost, I blame it on the jet lag, and had a bird shit all over my jacket & pants. So I went back to the apt I am staying at and cleaned up but ended sleeping the rest of the afternoon.

Today was a bit more successful I had a chance to see Evita´s grave at Cemeterio Recoleta. It´s a gorgeous cemetary and it was misty and cold so the perfect day to visit. I found wandering around very relaxing.

So much to see and so little time...off to walk some more!

I am in Buenos Aires

2008-07-25T11:45:00.000-07:00

After a 4hr flight from LAX to hotlanta, and what was to be an 1.5hr leg betweent flights turned out to be way longer. Electrical problems surfaced just as we were to take off and we had to taxi back.

In addition to that 3 hour delay there was hot hot air blowing from the vents around me I thought I was in a sauna. Originally scheduled to leave at 845p we left at 1130pm. And we were on the plane the whole time so a bit of a bumpy start.

Got to BA this morning half asleep and hungry. I like the apt I am staying at it is close to quite a few restaurants. I am pretty much going on adrenaline and espresso at this point. Time for another espresso...we´re 4hrs ahead of PST.

Salud!

Yellow Fever Shot

2008-07-20T22:39:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday I went to the Yellow Fever Group at the Healthy Traveler Clinic. They have a batch of Yellow Fever and administer that batch to a group, which makes the cost a bit less. Either way the shot hurt. I was also up for my tetanus shot so got that the same day.

Today was the first morning I woke up without that numb feeling on my left arm.

Buenos Aires here I come

2008-07-13T14:36:00.001-07:00

I don't think it has completely sunk in that I am going to Buenos Aires. I used some miles I had to book the flight. I am looking forward to the week long stay!